Why money fights are never really about money | Sorry, I Missed This

Money is one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships — and for people with ADHD, it comes with an extra layer of shame most people don’t talk about.
Cate sits down with Dr. Christine Hargrove, a financial therapist who specializes in ADHD, to unpack why money fights escalate so fast, why who’s the “mental load carrier” matters more than who earns more, and why people with ADHD often give better financial advice to their friends than they follow themselves.
Christine breaks down the concept of “money meaning” — the idea that when couples fight about spending, they’re rarely fighting about the actual dollars. They discuss financial self-efficacy, the five types of couple coping (and which ones actually work), and why body doubling might be the most underrated financial tool for ADHD brains.
Cate also opens up about her own history with compulsive spending, debt, and the shame that kept her from asking for help — and what finally changed.
If you’ve ever felt “bad with money” or avoided opening an app because of what you might see, this episode is for you.
For more on this topic
Watch: Why is money so hard with ADHD? A financial therapist explains
Watch: Money problems and ADHD? Here’s a financial therapist’s advice
For a transcript and more resources, visit Sorry, I Missed This on Understood.org. You can also email us at [email protected].
Getting your child the support they need at school shouldn’t feel like a fight. But for millions of families, it does. In Zero Reject, an investigative podcast from Understood.org, award-winning journalist Anya Kamenetz looks at how changing federal policies are reshaping special education — and what’s at stake for families trying to access the support their children are legally entitled to. Start listening now.
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